Sample Feedback

Student's feedback

There is no guarantee that you will achieve this score in your IELTS exam, but it is guaranteed that by more practice you will achieve better results.
Submission Date: 16/11/15 01:29 AM
Feedback Date: 16/11/15 01:35 AM
Click here to download the corrected essays
Band Score
6.5 Overall writing band score
Naked Score
   6.6

All scores are out of 9


Task 1     6.0
(40% of the Band Score)
Task 2      7.0
(60% of the Band Score)

Task 1 - Four Criteria

Task 2 - Four Criteria




  For more information about the four criteria click here.

Comment
Lee,

Your essays showed great potential with a very good grasp of grammar, and task comprehension. You also exhibited a good basic foundation with vocabulary, as well as decent sentence structure. Here is feedback on each task.

Task 1: Try to break up the paragraphs according to what you are describing. The first paragraph talks about the main features the graph is presenting. The following paragraphs discuss and compare the specific data in depth. It is usually recommended to create a new paragraph for every new argument or topic introduced. The progression of the essay went well but be careful not to form too many bulky, run-on sentences. I would also suggest reviewing your adverb usage. Make sure that they accurately describe what you are trying to communicate. For example, "approximately" is used to show that something is almost but not exactly accurate, so should not be used before an exact number.

Corrections are needed in formatting and proper essay structure (please read the comments in Microsoft Word document). The general outline for Task 1 is to 1) introduce the graph, 2) give an overview, and 3) give details. 

You correctly did these, but the answer was almost mechanical with too much detail. Also, the data to support your details need to be more accurate, because the graph indicates exact numbers. You also mention similarities at the end, but the data provided are not close enough to be similar. 


Task 2: This essay was well written and showed nice progression of thought. Again, be careful on adverb usage. This will cut down on repetition and show a stronger grasp on vocabulary. Consider breaking up run-on sentences that contain several commas, into shorter, independent sentences. This makes it easier to read and follow.

Please see the ff. links for additional information on cohesive devices:
http://library.bcu.ac.uk/learner/writingguides/1.33.htm
http://home.ku.edu.tr/~doregan/Writing/Cohesion.html

Task1
Task Achievement
Generally addresses the task; the format may be inappropriate in places Recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview; there may be no data to support the description Presents, but inadequately covers, key features / bullet points; there may be a tendency to focus on details
Coherence and Cohesion
Presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression Makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices May be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
Lexical Resource
Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision Uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation May produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Uses a variety of complex structures Produces frequent error-free sentences Has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

Task2
Task Achievement
Addresses all parts of the task Presents a clear position throughout the response Presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
Coherence and Cohesion
Logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout Uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use Presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource
Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision Uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation May produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Uses a variety of complex structures Produces frequent error-free sentences Has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

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